Every day it seems like there is a new decision to make, a new direction that can be taken. Whether it's with who I spend time with, where I work, what career I choose, or whether to sleep in or go to the gym, my decisions everyday are shaping who I am.
It makes me think of Derek in Zoolander when he's looking in the puddle and asks himself..who am I?
Am I going to be the girl who works out all the time? Am I going to be the girl that reads and has alot of depth and knowledge? Am I going to be the girl who lives life vicariously or the girl who sits behind a desk too complacent to chase her real dreams. Am I going to live life through faith that I serve a God bigger than myself or will I shrink back in fear. Am I going to live in my comfort zone or am I going to love and give enough so that I have abandoned my comfort zone and am completely trusting in God to fill me up.
I'm sure it feels like this alot through life but I'm finding that life after college is full of pivotal decisions. Once I take a step in one direction, the road never fails to come to another fork. Really God? Another one?
Last night though I had a revelation. Life is an adventure, I'm so blessed to have options and even more blessed to have a God that loves me, amazing friends and a supportive family. Regardless of which choice I make in life I know God can use me wherever I am. I am called to love him and love others wherever I end up. If I'm walking with God every single day wherever I end up I will be with him and that's all that matters~
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Faith Not Fear
Having the opportunity to ask a keynote speaker if he could time-warp back to his twenties and give himself some advice, I asked him what he would say. His simple answer was profound. “Live life by faith not by fear”.
I find myself at a crossroads. Graduating my BSU last May with a degree in Marketing, I decided to take the job offer my current employer offered me and begin the 9-5 work week. Working in finance has been interesting, learning about Roth IRAs and retirement planning. Berkeley, Inc has been a blessing and I have learned a great deal about this industry.
My heart has always been pulled toward ministry though and I jumped on the opportunity to become a leader for Student Venture at Mtn. View High School. Now my Monday nights are filled with teaching high school students about how to have a relationship with God, dodge ball and building trust with the students. Tuesday night I lead a college girl’s bible study at my house. This has been going on a year and a half and it has been incredible watching the girls grow and start to take on leadership roles in the group.
A couple times a week I’m meeting with college or high school girls hearing their stories and helping them grow towards God. There is a dire need for transparency, accountability, encouragement and discipleship for girls this age. Between relationships, self-image, career paths, friendships and family issues ladies between 15 and 25 need a Christian community to help guide them to making wise decisions and creating a foundation to be a Godly woman.
This is my heart. I love writing and preparing bible study material to help people understand God’s truths and how to tackle tough topics such as purity, the Holy Spirit, forgiveness and our identity. For example, the other day at study we were talking about having eternal perspective. I used summer camp as an analogy. Summer camp, like life is temporary. Why on earth would we knock ourselves out to be CEO of summer camp when we know we’re leaving in a couple of weeks? Why are we paving our lives to follow the “American dream” when we can’t take any of it with us? We need to be building up our treasures in heaven.
I believe we need to dream big. We need to seek after God’s heart and take steps of faith. We serve an absolutely incredible God who has dreams bigger for us than we can imagine. We need to put wind into each other’s sails to reach these dreams. Some of my dreams include writing a book and/or high school/college aged girl’s bible study material. I want to devote as much time as possible to discipling girls and preparing material to help them find truth and to bring them closer to God. I am not sure how exactly this is going to work, if I need to quit my job and try to raise support or if I will just write into the wee hours of the night, or finding another job! :) I'm willing to do whatever God wants me to do, I'm just praying about what exactly it is!
I am asking you for prayer; prayer for direction with my job and prayer for opportunities to share the gospel and to be Christ to others. Prayer to live my life out of faith and not out of fear. I hope that you are doing well and that you are chasing after God with all of your heart. He will change your life in amazing ways, trust Him.
In His Love,
Audrey
Isaiah 58:11
The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
I find myself at a crossroads. Graduating my BSU last May with a degree in Marketing, I decided to take the job offer my current employer offered me and begin the 9-5 work week. Working in finance has been interesting, learning about Roth IRAs and retirement planning. Berkeley, Inc has been a blessing and I have learned a great deal about this industry.
My heart has always been pulled toward ministry though and I jumped on the opportunity to become a leader for Student Venture at Mtn. View High School. Now my Monday nights are filled with teaching high school students about how to have a relationship with God, dodge ball and building trust with the students. Tuesday night I lead a college girl’s bible study at my house. This has been going on a year and a half and it has been incredible watching the girls grow and start to take on leadership roles in the group.
A couple times a week I’m meeting with college or high school girls hearing their stories and helping them grow towards God. There is a dire need for transparency, accountability, encouragement and discipleship for girls this age. Between relationships, self-image, career paths, friendships and family issues ladies between 15 and 25 need a Christian community to help guide them to making wise decisions and creating a foundation to be a Godly woman.
This is my heart. I love writing and preparing bible study material to help people understand God’s truths and how to tackle tough topics such as purity, the Holy Spirit, forgiveness and our identity. For example, the other day at study we were talking about having eternal perspective. I used summer camp as an analogy. Summer camp, like life is temporary. Why on earth would we knock ourselves out to be CEO of summer camp when we know we’re leaving in a couple of weeks? Why are we paving our lives to follow the “American dream” when we can’t take any of it with us? We need to be building up our treasures in heaven.
I believe we need to dream big. We need to seek after God’s heart and take steps of faith. We serve an absolutely incredible God who has dreams bigger for us than we can imagine. We need to put wind into each other’s sails to reach these dreams. Some of my dreams include writing a book and/or high school/college aged girl’s bible study material. I want to devote as much time as possible to discipling girls and preparing material to help them find truth and to bring them closer to God. I am not sure how exactly this is going to work, if I need to quit my job and try to raise support or if I will just write into the wee hours of the night, or finding another job! :) I'm willing to do whatever God wants me to do, I'm just praying about what exactly it is!
I am asking you for prayer; prayer for direction with my job and prayer for opportunities to share the gospel and to be Christ to others. Prayer to live my life out of faith and not out of fear. I hope that you are doing well and that you are chasing after God with all of your heart. He will change your life in amazing ways, trust Him.
In His Love,
Audrey
Isaiah 58:11
The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
butterflies or burritos
it all starts with that feeling in your stomach. some people refer to it as "butterflies", i think mine is closer to the "man, I'm craving a burrito" feeling, but food is my love language so i'm guessing it's the same thing.
then there is inevitably the movie date. PS when you are dating someone movie never means movie. Move is code for, "I want to hold your hand, or snuggle", if we're all honest, no one is really interested in the movie itself.
The first movie date is always marvelously awkward. You glance over...where is their hand? If it's just sitting there on their lap, open palm, that's a blatant green flag that it's missing something... YOUR hand. In it. If you play fight over the arm rest..that is always another green flag. hold my hand silly. now. not later, now.
We have skipped a critical step though. Before the hand holding is the "knee touch". This one is my favorite. It's the step when you sit close enough to eachother to...whooops, OH! our knees are touching! Weird, neither of us are moving. mmm. i like it.
New relationships are just plain fun.
From here on out though relationships get slightly more complicated, okay alot more complicated. Our nation is plagued with divorce. Marriage vows are broken left and right. So where do we go wrong? Now seeing that I am a 22 year old single girl I am not claiming to be a relationship expert. This is simply my two cents about some things that I do know.
Alot of people think love is a feeling. Wrong.. on so many different levels. That love-sick, hungry feeling in your stomach is a feeling, feelings are incredibly real but not something to be trusted.
Love is a commitment, not a feeling.
Say someone commits to train for a marathon. Maybe in the beginning they feel motivated and are out of their mind excited to train for this race. There is inevitably going to be a day, or weeks, where they do not feel like running. Running becomes zero fun, maybe even negative ten fun. But however rough it gets you are committed to running that marathon and you better dang well keep going. Download new running music for your ipod, find running buddies, get accountability, get new running shoes, but whatever the heck you do..KEEP RUNNING. It's the same way with love, and marriage.
Alot of people get into relationships because they feel they are missing something. The best relationships are the ones where our love for eachother exceeds our need for each other. We are created for relationship, but make sure that God is filling your needs first so that we are free to love others instead of demanding love from them.
So I realize i skipped alot of stages from "knee touching" to marriage, but this is a blog, not a novel :) I just want to encourage people to take their words and relationships seriously. Love is a commitment, not a feeling... For some more thoughts on love... from someone alot smarter than me!
1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind, love doesn't envy or boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perserves. Love never fails.
then there is inevitably the movie date. PS when you are dating someone movie never means movie. Move is code for, "I want to hold your hand, or snuggle", if we're all honest, no one is really interested in the movie itself.
The first movie date is always marvelously awkward. You glance over...where is their hand? If it's just sitting there on their lap, open palm, that's a blatant green flag that it's missing something... YOUR hand. In it. If you play fight over the arm rest..that is always another green flag. hold my hand silly. now. not later, now.
We have skipped a critical step though. Before the hand holding is the "knee touch". This one is my favorite. It's the step when you sit close enough to eachother to...whooops, OH! our knees are touching! Weird, neither of us are moving. mmm. i like it.
New relationships are just plain fun.
From here on out though relationships get slightly more complicated, okay alot more complicated. Our nation is plagued with divorce. Marriage vows are broken left and right. So where do we go wrong? Now seeing that I am a 22 year old single girl I am not claiming to be a relationship expert. This is simply my two cents about some things that I do know.
Alot of people think love is a feeling. Wrong.. on so many different levels. That love-sick, hungry feeling in your stomach is a feeling, feelings are incredibly real but not something to be trusted.
Love is a commitment, not a feeling.
Say someone commits to train for a marathon. Maybe in the beginning they feel motivated and are out of their mind excited to train for this race. There is inevitably going to be a day, or weeks, where they do not feel like running. Running becomes zero fun, maybe even negative ten fun. But however rough it gets you are committed to running that marathon and you better dang well keep going. Download new running music for your ipod, find running buddies, get accountability, get new running shoes, but whatever the heck you do..KEEP RUNNING. It's the same way with love, and marriage.
Alot of people get into relationships because they feel they are missing something. The best relationships are the ones where our love for eachother exceeds our need for each other. We are created for relationship, but make sure that God is filling your needs first so that we are free to love others instead of demanding love from them.
So I realize i skipped alot of stages from "knee touching" to marriage, but this is a blog, not a novel :) I just want to encourage people to take their words and relationships seriously. Love is a commitment, not a feeling... For some more thoughts on love... from someone alot smarter than me!
1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind, love doesn't envy or boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perserves. Love never fails.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Noah's Ark
Opening my eyes this morning I realized I'd waken up on my own. How strange. Normally I awaken to the heinous noise of my alarm clock that is immediately followed by fumbling for the snooze button. Snuggled up in a down comforter and an inch deep in memory foam it's no wonder I can't help but entertain the idea of sleeping an extra ten minutes. (which invariably turns into an hour most every morning). The sunshine is pouring into my window, crisp morning air tingles my nose, now THIS is how to start the day.
I have come to the blunt realization that although I want to spend time in the morning in God's word, there would have to be about a pot of coffee pumping through my system before I am awake enough to process His amazing revelations and promises. So in second place, Francis Chan podcasts. Reaching down to flip open my laptop I click on his latest sermon called "Holy Anguish". Now with a title like that I should have realized this wasn't a "Jesus loves you and the whole world" sermon, but in typical Francis style I was quickly waken from grogginess peering wide eyed at my Mac which was spewing forth much needed truth.
It never fails to amaze me how when God wants to tell you something, you will hear it. Whether it's from sermons at church, friends, podcasts, books, anything... it's a reoccuring theme in my life. I feel tugging on my heart and i'm like THAT can't be God, that's not comfortable or where I'm at right now. Wait a minute. that probably IS God because I wouldn't think something up like that for myself. Oh wait, I'm hearing the same thing everrrrywhere. Yup definitely God. It's like He is sending holy lightning bolts to my heart, whaPAH, whaPAH!
Yesterday I was having a pow wow with my mentor Malia, who, PS, is honestly an incredible woman of God at Goldy's (PS a killer restaurant).
"Audrey, how is your heart", the classic catalyst question that is at the forefront of every great conversation.
"Well Malia, I want to grow, to be stretched and to experience God's power in my life".
Famous last words. Just kidding. But really.
That's what I want, it's been heavy on my heart that I have a certain fear of telling people about my relationship with God. Which is ridiculous when I really think about it because He has rocked my life, i would honestly be so lost and not have any hope without Him. Giving control of my life to Jesus Christ is the best decision I have ever made.
In Francis' sermon this morning he was talking about holy anguish. Now when someone is in anguish that is some serious stuff- it's what you call it when there isn't even words to describe how bad and awful you feel. When we're in anguish all we want is for it to stop. We want God to make it go away. So the thought process of- "Is there something I should be anguishing about and now?" is foreign. Why on earth would we WANT that? Yeah that's what I thought too. Thus why i was wide eyed propped up in bed this morning hanging onto ever word.
Francis told a story about a guy who was a well known atheist. Some guy was sharing the gospel with him and he politely told him, "I already know there isn't a God, but I didn't have a problem with him sharing what he believed. I have a problem with the people who DON'T share. How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them you have the only way to eternal life and you're headed to hell? I mean I don't believe it but how much do you have to hate someone? It doesn't make sense".
Wow. Yup there it was. How numb have I gotten to this reality? We like to think of God as a loving, forgiving, big pushover God. Now don't get me wrong, God is loving and forgiving, but where is the Righteous fear of him? People love the story and idea of Noah's ark, and the little animals going two by two on the ark. People paint it on their kid's nursery and are like, oh look there's the animals and God saved Noah's family, how cute.
How often do you see the people drowning in the water? Do we forget WHY there was a flood? Because the earth was so evil that God had to rid it of everyone except for the Noah and his family which were the only ones who believed in him.
There really is a hell, even though we don't like to think about it and why am I not taking this seriously. I'm praying for a huge change of heart and boldness. I want to be stretched and held accountable. If you're reading this and don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, please ask me about it, I would love to tell you about my best friend and the good news of the gospel.
Not too Proud
i'm not too proud to admit that i'm not always strong..
its in my weakness that Christ can shine best through me
i'm not too proud to say that my heart still aches from past hurts..
but it's nights like these that push me towards Christ's loving arms to tell me it's okay
i'm not too proud to admit I do not have it all together..
my failures only remind me that I'm forgiven and unconditionally loved
i'm not too proud to say that I am broken and lost..
for i know the one who mends and has directions
thank God i am not going through this life alone, I have friends who care enough to talk me through things and remind me where my hope lies. My hope doesn't lie in people or circumstances, things that have happened or haven't happened... my hope lies in Jesus Christ who always keeps his promises and will never leave or forsake me. this is why my heart can rest- amb
its in my weakness that Christ can shine best through me
i'm not too proud to say that my heart still aches from past hurts..
but it's nights like these that push me towards Christ's loving arms to tell me it's okay
i'm not too proud to admit I do not have it all together..
my failures only remind me that I'm forgiven and unconditionally loved
i'm not too proud to say that I am broken and lost..
for i know the one who mends and has directions
thank God i am not going through this life alone, I have friends who care enough to talk me through things and remind me where my hope lies. My hope doesn't lie in people or circumstances, things that have happened or haven't happened... my hope lies in Jesus Christ who always keeps his promises and will never leave or forsake me. this is why my heart can rest- amb
Not Just Another Day
what an absolutely beautiful day. the crisp morning air sends shivers down my arms while the sunshine warms my face. soft music welcomes the day as i sit comfortably in my "captains" chair at work, sipping on the enormous glass of water I'm bound to tackle. the echo of high heels on hardwood floors from next door rythmically drums the pace of the day. today is not just a Wednesday. it's not just another day that will be lost in the monotony of thousands of other days in my life. God did not create today just to be a "space filler" in the scheme of our lives. Today we are meant to love, to serve, to laugh, to fully trust that God has everything under control so we can live with a heart at rest. When we seek satisfaction or approval it is easy to become frustrated, hurt and..well, unsatisfied.We are not meant to be satisfied by anyone other than God and I forget this so often. But thank goodness his mercy is new every morning.
The soothing sound of the dove cooing outside of my office reminds me of the dove that showed up on Noah's boat holding the branch from the tree..giving hope of a new start. we can let go of all of the regrets and hurt from the past and grasp on to the new start that Christ offers. too often i hold on to the past out of fear of reaching out to christ and the unknown. today though i choose to willingly let go and to trust. to live by faith instead of fear and bask in the sunshine of his joy and grace.
today will be a great da
The soothing sound of the dove cooing outside of my office reminds me of the dove that showed up on Noah's boat holding the branch from the tree..giving hope of a new start. we can let go of all of the regrets and hurt from the past and grasp on to the new start that Christ offers. too often i hold on to the past out of fear of reaching out to christ and the unknown. today though i choose to willingly let go and to trust. to live by faith instead of fear and bask in the sunshine of his joy and grace.
today will be a great da
Taking the Risk
There’s something thrilling about taking risks. Now I am not talking about snowboarding off cliffs into oblivion… which would definitely be thrilling, slash lethal, but I’m talking about leaps of faith. Remember when you were little and your dad would tell you to jump into the pool? There was something about the exhilaration of running and soaring off the hot pavement splashing into his strong arms that gets ya. I think it’s knowing that you’re doing something you can’t do on your own, yet you can do it anyways knowing you’re safe.
I was thinking how that’s how life is. God’s waiting up ahead of us with his arms wide open encouraging us to jump. We’re inadequate on our own, we can’t live or love how we are supposed to. This can either discourage us and weaken us or empower us. We can choose to be defeated or we can embrace God’s power he’s offering us through himself. On our own we can’t do it, but if we choose to take that leap of faith into his arms and let him take control we can change the world.
"Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark.”
Life may be dark right now, but choose to sing anyways knowing dawn is right around the corner. Faith not fear.
I was thinking how that’s how life is. God’s waiting up ahead of us with his arms wide open encouraging us to jump. We’re inadequate on our own, we can’t live or love how we are supposed to. This can either discourage us and weaken us or empower us. We can choose to be defeated or we can embrace God’s power he’s offering us through himself. On our own we can’t do it, but if we choose to take that leap of faith into his arms and let him take control we can change the world.
"Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark.”
Life may be dark right now, but choose to sing anyways knowing dawn is right around the corner. Faith not fear.
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