Noah's Ark

Opening my eyes this morning I realized I'd waken up on my own. How strange. Normally I awaken to the heinous noise of my alarm clock that is immediately followed by fumbling for the snooze button. Snuggled up in a down comforter and an inch deep in memory foam it's no wonder I can't help but entertain the idea of sleeping an extra ten minutes. (which invariably turns into an hour most every morning). The sunshine is pouring into my window, crisp morning air tingles my nose, now THIS is how to start the day.

I have come to the blunt realization that although I want to spend time in the morning in God's word, there would have to be about a pot of coffee pumping through my system before I am awake enough to process His amazing revelations and promises. So in second place, Francis Chan podcasts. Reaching down to flip open my laptop I click on his latest sermon called "Holy Anguish". Now with a title like that I should have realized this wasn't a "Jesus loves you and the whole world" sermon, but in typical Francis style I was quickly waken from grogginess peering wide eyed at my Mac which was spewing forth much needed truth.

It never fails to amaze me how when God wants to tell you something, you will hear it. Whether it's from sermons at church, friends, podcasts, books, anything... it's a reoccuring theme in my life. I feel tugging on my heart and i'm like THAT can't be God, that's not comfortable or where I'm at right now. Wait a minute. that probably IS God because I wouldn't think something up like that for myself. Oh wait, I'm hearing the same thing everrrrywhere. Yup definitely God. It's like He is sending holy lightning bolts to my heart, whaPAH, whaPAH!

Yesterday I was having a pow wow with my mentor Malia, who, PS, is honestly an incredible woman of God at Goldy's (PS a killer restaurant).

"Audrey, how is your heart", the classic catalyst question that is at the forefront of every great conversation.

"Well Malia, I want to grow, to be stretched and to experience God's power in my life".

Famous last words. Just kidding. But really.

That's what I want, it's been heavy on my heart that I have a certain fear of telling people about my relationship with God. Which is ridiculous when I really think about it because He has rocked my life, i would honestly be so lost and not have any hope without Him. Giving control of my life to Jesus Christ is the best decision I have ever made.

In Francis' sermon this morning he was talking about holy anguish. Now when someone is in anguish that is some serious stuff- it's what you call it when there isn't even words to describe how bad and awful you feel. When we're in anguish all we want is for it to stop. We want God to make it go away. So the thought process of- "Is there something I should be anguishing about and now?" is foreign. Why on earth would we WANT that? Yeah that's what I thought too. Thus why i was wide eyed propped up in bed this morning hanging onto ever word.

Francis told a story about a guy who was a well known atheist. Some guy was sharing the gospel with him and he politely told him, "I already know there isn't a God, but I didn't have a problem with him sharing what he believed. I have a problem with the people who DON'T share. How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them you have the only way to eternal life and you're headed to hell? I mean I don't believe it but how much do you have to hate someone? It doesn't make sense".

Wow. Yup there it was. How numb have I gotten to this reality? We like to think of God as a loving, forgiving, big pushover God. Now don't get me wrong, God is loving and forgiving, but where is the Righteous fear of him? People love the story and idea of Noah's ark, and the little animals going two by two on the ark. People paint it on their kid's nursery and are like, oh look there's the animals and God saved Noah's family, how cute.

How often do you see the people drowning in the water? Do we forget WHY there was a flood? Because the earth was so evil that God had to rid it of everyone except for the Noah and his family which were the only ones who believed in him.

There really is a hell, even though we don't like to think about it and why am I not taking this seriously. I'm praying for a huge change of heart and boldness. I want to be stretched and held accountable. If you're reading this and don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, please ask me about it, I would love to tell you about my best friend and the good news of the gospel.

Not too Proud

i'm not too proud to admit that i'm not always strong..
its in my weakness that Christ can shine best through me

i'm not too proud to say that my heart still aches from past hurts..
but it's nights like these that push me towards Christ's loving arms to tell me it's okay

i'm not too proud to admit I do not have it all together..
my failures only remind me that I'm forgiven and unconditionally loved

i'm not too proud to say that I am broken and lost..
for i know the one who mends and has directions

thank God i am not going through this life alone, I have friends who care enough to talk me through things and remind me where my hope lies. My hope doesn't lie in people or circumstances, things that have happened or haven't happened... my hope lies in Jesus Christ who always keeps his promises and will never leave or forsake me. this is why my heart can rest- amb

Not Just Another Day

what an absolutely beautiful day. the crisp morning air sends shivers down my arms while the sunshine warms my face. soft music welcomes the day as i sit comfortably in my "captains" chair at work, sipping on the enormous glass of water I'm bound to tackle. the echo of high heels on hardwood floors from next door rythmically drums the pace of the day. today is not just a Wednesday. it's not just another day that will be lost in the monotony of thousands of other days in my life. God did not create today just to be a "space filler" in the scheme of our lives. Today we are meant to love, to serve, to laugh, to fully trust that God has everything under control so we can live with a heart at rest. When we seek satisfaction or approval it is easy to become frustrated, hurt and..well, unsatisfied.We are not meant to be satisfied by anyone other than God and I forget this so often. But thank goodness his mercy is new every morning.
The soothing sound of the dove cooing outside of my office reminds me of the dove that showed up on Noah's boat holding the branch from the tree..giving hope of a new start. we can let go of all of the regrets and hurt from the past and grasp on to the new start that Christ offers. too often i hold on to the past out of fear of reaching out to christ and the unknown. today though i choose to willingly let go and to trust. to live by faith instead of fear and bask in the sunshine of his joy and grace.
today will be a great da

Taking the Risk

There’s something thrilling about taking risks. Now I am not talking about snowboarding off cliffs into oblivion… which would definitely be thrilling, slash lethal, but I’m talking about leaps of faith. Remember when you were little and your dad would tell you to jump into the pool? There was something about the exhilaration of running and soaring off the hot pavement splashing into his strong arms that gets ya. I think it’s knowing that you’re doing something you can’t do on your own, yet you can do it anyways knowing you’re safe.
I was thinking how that’s how life is. God’s waiting up ahead of us with his arms wide open encouraging us to jump. We’re inadequate on our own, we can’t live or love how we are supposed to. This can either discourage us and weaken us or empower us. We can choose to be defeated or we can embrace God’s power he’s offering us through himself. On our own we can’t do it, but if we choose to take that leap of faith into his arms and let him take control we can change the world.
"Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark.”
Life may be dark right now, but choose to sing anyways knowing dawn is right around the corner. Faith not fear.

Life...

prove to me there's a God. I can't see him. How can you prove He's really out there?
ya know...God is like the wind. You can't see him but try and convince me that wind doesn't exist. I would call you crazy and completely dismiss your claim if u tried to convince me that wind is not real. Do ya know why? Because you can see the affects of wind. You see the leaves blowing on the trees, you see the power of tornadoes that can rip apart houses. Much like you can see the effects of God, you can see him changing peoples lives, giving people joy and peace that you know can't come from anywhere else. You can feel God, much like u feel a breeze of wind. I feel God in my life, I feel his peace come over me when I'm having a rough day and I feel his love through many different ways. There is no way you can convince me that wind isn't real, much like I know without a shadow of doubt that God is real.

So you may be asking, how does this tie in with what life is about?
Well. God created you, he created me, he created all of us! And we didn't pop out of a "people mold" God has stored up there in heaven. He made each and every one of us for a specific purpose. He gave you your specific talents and characteristics for a reason.

So how do we know what life's about? So okay, I understand there's a God but he's way up there in heaven and I'm down here and know nothing about Him or who He is.
Well, that's where sin comes in. We are born human, breathe human, do human. We don't default to being a good person ya know? So there is this huge gap between God and us. a chasm. No good thing we do can ever get us to heaven, no amount of effort can save us from ourselves.

But...good news! There doesn't have to be that huge chasm between us and God, we were MADE to know God, and love God and experience a whole new level of living by knowing God. Why is this a whole new level of living? Because God made us for a purpose, we have a reason for being here...but we can't possibly know what this is, unless we get to know God.
**There is a God shaped hole in our hearts that we try to fill. With relationships, with success, with drinking, with anything we can possibly think of. But its like putting a square peg in a round hole. It doesn't fit.**

God loved us so stinkin' much that he sent his son Jesus to die for us. His death on the cross covers all of our sins. All we have to do is accept this free gift of salvation. All we have to do is be like, ya know what God? I realize I'm a sinner. I realize I can't do this life on my own. I understand that you love me and made me for a purpose. I believe you are real and I believe you are powerful enough to save me from eternal death and being separated from you. I give my life to you. This is kinda scary to give up control of my life, but I trust you that you have better plans for me than I can ever even imagine for myself. Because he does! Picture a little kid holding on to an old blanket. They refuse to give it up...why? Well for one it's comfortable, it's what they know to be safe. They don't know any better? So imagine their parent is trying to give them a brand new, 5000 thread count fleece fluffy blanket. They can't enjoy the brand new blanket unless they let go of their old ratty blanket.

So maybe you're thinkin, this is great but I'm comfortable with where I am right now ya know? I don't want to give my life and hopes and dreams to someone I don't trust. How can you trust someone you don't know right? Well thats where faith comes in. I heard a cool quote that "Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark". Ya gotta take that step of faith. But I guarantee is not going to be a step you're going to take where God's not gonna meet you half way.

This past year God has radically changed my life. I've realized that God is all I need. There's a verse that says if you try to save your life, you will lose it, but if you lose your life for Christ than you will find it. Thats where I had been going wrong, I love to be in control and I had been trying to run my life the way that I thought was best and it came crashing down. But when I gave my life to Christ and was like, God you are way better at this than me, here please help me live my life for you (so "losing" my life), that is when I finally found life. And not just any life, but a great life! Filled with the joy and peace and purpose that comes from knowing God.